By Windy Season
"I put on a mask so that they all see
The person they want and not really me
Cause I've learned that me just doesn't cut it"
The meaning behind these lyrics is pretty obvious and somewhat standard for this type of song. It delves deeper into the specifics as the song progresses. Trivia: The album the demo version of this song was originally intended for was titled "Mask(uline)", which was never created. The line about the mask references the album title, and this was intended to be the title track.
"I try to be free, express who I am
But Mom and Dad see and don't understand"
When a person changes their gender, it is often challenging for their family to grasp their perspective, especially when the family is cisgender. In my case, I never officially came out to my family; my attempts at expressing my gender identity have been either gender-ambiguous or androgynously masculine. My parents have questioned this several times, and I usually offer some excuse they accept at face value or stop questioning.
"And it feels like 'me''s not in the budget"
The use of "me" instead of "I" is intentional, referencing the previous usage of the word where I said, "The person they want and not really me / I've learned that me just doesn't cut it."
"Wishin' I could change my name
And wishin' I could change my face, so"
When individuals change their gender, changes in name and physical appearance often follow. This refers to how some wish they could make these changes but are unable to due to external constraints. This reflects my situation with my family; I'm too scared to come out, so I keep it bottled inside.
"I'm just what you expected
Cause somehow I'm a walking talking stereotype, stereotype
I'll try hard to forget it
But it's hard when so many people share the same life, cause I'm a stereotype"
This is a double entendre. It refers to how many transgender people are in a similar situation as mine, stuck in the closet without a way out, keeping their identity hidden. It also highlights the effort to blend into the crowd and be like their birth gender to avoid being noticed.
"Wishin' I could change my name
And wishin' I could change my face"
When individuals change their gender, changes in name and physical appearance often follow. This reflects the situation where some wish they could make these changes but are unable to due to external constraints. This is my situation with my family; I'm too scared to come out, so I keep it bottled inside.
"I write down my fears to find a way out
But I can't even find a way off of my couch"
This refers to my music. I try to address my problems by writing songs about them, but this only makes them a part of me. It also reflects how I struggle with solving significant issues while ignoring simpler problems like laziness and inactivity.
"My life ain't hard but I still hate it"
This line acknowledges that despite my privileged circumstances—a middle-class life, steady job, loving family, and wealthy parents—I still feel unhappy and unfulfilled. I'm trying to be self-aware of the guilt I feel knowing that many have it worse, yet I'm still miserable.
"It's so hard to write a song that feels right
Even when I try to make it sound nice"
These lines acknowledge that it took a whole year to write this song.
"If Brad hates your song you know you made it"
This is a reference to popular music critic and streamer, Brad Taste in Music.
"Wishin' I could change my name
And wishin' I could change my face"
When individuals change their gender, changes in name and physical appearance often follow. This reflects the situation where some wish they could make these changes but are unable to due to external constraints. This is my situation with my family; I'm too scared to come out, so I keep it bottled inside.